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Mistake Queen

Guess who’s #backtoblogging for the 800th time? ODStorytime is! I was forced to take a break from everything for a few reasons.

  1. I moved.
  2. My health started acting a plum fool.
  3. I started a new job.
  4. My world was turned upside down by a series of small events that added up to be a big freaking moment in my life.

I wanted to blog my way through it. I truly did. I just couldn’t. Whenever I had a free moment, I would plan to create content. However, when the time came all I could do was sit on the couch and pray that soon the stress of it all would be gone. The fact is, I needed a moment to breathe.

I completely underestimated my circumstances and fell flat on my face. Then, as I got further and further behind I spent an unhealthy amount of time being nasty to myself for “falling short of excellence in the face of adversity.” The negative thoughts got to be too much and I was forced to take a break from everything. So, I turned my attention to eating my feelings, taking my frustrations out on my boyfriend, and avoiding Instagram because I felt behind. I wanted nothing to do but go to work, get in the bed, and be mean to myself.

It was like this for about a week until I was able to commit to small changes every day to get myself out of my rut. I leaned on my friends more than I think they realized and forced myself to consistently eat breakfast every day. I also started working out again, felt a love so deep from Joshua James that it sounds like I could have made it up, and kicked ass in the first 90 days of my new job. I took a leap of faith and invested in a bunch of equipment that will take my ODStorytime platform to the next level, leveled up my organization game, and realized the areas where I need to take smaller bites so that I don’t have to keep learning this hard lesson.

But most importantly, I started being nice to myself. This change was the hardest of them all. When negative thoughts creep back, I force myself to stop them in their tracks by repeating nice things to myself until I feel better. I completely understand how cliché this sounds. But it works. For me, the negative thoughts usually come at night before bed. So, I repeat all the good things I did that day. If I still want to be mean to myself, I repeat all the beautifully unique things that make me a badass until I fall asleep. When I wake up the next morning I make sure I drink a lot of water and take extra time on my skincare so I can start the next day on the right foot. The minor change of allowing myself to make mistakes has already helped me tenfold.

I say this all the time but, I’m human. That means I’ll make mistakes. In fact, I’ll make plenty of mistakes. I’m a mistake making Queen. Despite this, I’m still worthy of my dreams. I’m allowing myself to make a bunch of mistakes because the fear of failure isn’t going to hold me back.

So, here I am. Starting again and ready to fail.