Four month’s ago I had: just moved to the city of my dreams, left a job that was slowly killing me, woke up and found myself in a relationship with one of God’s favorite people, my edges were full, my skin was clear, and my bank account was flourishing.
Then, it all fell apart.
I was notified that the job that I prayed about is coming to an end.
I’m back on the job market, in one of the most expensive cities in the country, during one of the most expensive times of the year. And, to spice my story up a bit, all of this seemingly came seconds after I was approved to get off my antidepressants.
After a week of crying, criticizing everything that I could have done wrong, trying to understand why I was brought this far to seemingly fall flat on my face, and worrying about the next steps I’ve temporarily dried my tears.
Yes, everything sucks. But, I’m strong enough to keep going.
In fact, once my tears dried I realized that everything doesn’t suck completely. ONE aspect of my life is screaming “SOS SOMEONE HELP ME,” not the entire thing. My edges are still where they belong, my skin still loves me, and the boy and the rest of my tried and true tribe have all gone out their way to make sure I feel their love and support.
Despite my current situation I still am abundantly blessed and highly favored.
Am I still concerned and wondering what’s next? YUP
Am I still worried about how I’m going to finance this holiday season? You bet your bottom dollar I am.
Is every prayer I send out surrounding my job search and strength to see through this hard time? It sure is, buddy.
Do I know that I can make it? Without a shadow of a doubt.
Only God knows why I have to go through this. Honestly, that’s not my business. I have a lot on my plate. I don’t have time to worry about the particulars. In fact, during a brief moment of peace, one of my meditation apps sent me 1 Peter 4:12-13. These verses inspired me to create the Midnight Hour series for ODStorytime.
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13 NIV
Right now, I’m in the midst of the ever lasting midnight hour. I don’t know what’s next. Nor, do I know when my hour will end. All I know is that at the moment everything sucks. But I’m going to keep going anyway.
Throughout the next few weeks I’ll be discussing the tools and tactics that have been helping me cope, remain level headed, and center my peace. Stay tuned.