I spent 2019 “preparing for my year of victory.” I was working a job that pushed me to places I didn’t know I could go. I spent silent moments questioning why God gave me such a big vision for ODStorytime only to have it accompanied by crippling depression and anxiety that kept me from going after my dreams with everything I could. Eventually, I finally found some peace as I orchestrated my re-vamp around our wedding. This summer I planned to graduate esthetician school, get married in Paris, switch careers, honeymoon in Italy, and do so in a carefully curated vacation wardrobe of all white with rose-gold accessories. It is what I deserved. Then COVID happened and it felt like God was laughing in my face.
I spent the last two and a half months crying.
After losing my job, my new career being put on hold, my wedding being canceled, and the messiness of COVID – I had enough strength to wake up, realize what a mess I was in, and cry. I started telling people that “fighting” was too hard and it was easier to “just swim down.” I had given up and stopped caring about my life and goals. In my head – I began planning an uneventful life for myself where I pretended I was happy because I realized that I just wasn’t going to have a happily ever after.
I kept telling myself that I did not deserve the dreams that God placed inside me. The wedding I dreamed of since I was a child? Who was I to think that someone who looked like me could deserve such a grand celebration? Who did I think I was? I wasn’t pretty enough, I didn’t have enough money saved, and nobody even really cared. I should have never set my sights so high to plan for such a big thing in the first place.
The dream career I had been working for? I’m not Beyoncé. I don’t get the joy of working hard on my dreams and releasing it to the world. I’m not that talented, I barely know anything about anything, and once again – who did I think I was?
COVID didn’t come to ruin everything. COVID showed me that everything was ruined from the beginning. I kept asking myself, what was the point?
Thankfully, I realized that I didn’t need to give up- I needed to pivot.
I forced myself to get out the bed even if I was only going to the couch. I learned, and am still learning, how to rest and practice self-care. And I challenge every negative thought that comes into my mind. I am working to create a life full of love, luxury, and magic that I deserve and can absolutely achieve.
I prioritized my mental health and did the painful work to turn my life around. Now, it’s time for ODStorytime to pivot.
I first started ODStorytime as a way to tell my story about how makeup helped me through the difficult times of adjusting to life post-graduation. Along the way, I became so focused on just telling my “beauty” story that I didn’t realize that there is so much magic in the nonsense of the darkness. I’ve been self-sabotaging by not telling my “full” overly-dramatic story.
Now, ODStorytime is expanding to tell more crafting, mental health, “I worked out to Migos and immediately treated myself with popcorn,” and beauty stories. This expansion is primarily to help others understand that life is messy and there is more than one way to overcome. ODStorytime is moving forward to be a lifestyle, beauty, and mental health resource. This blog is a platform for brides who want the champagne wedding on a two buck chuck budget. Most importantly, this blog is a place for women to come to work on healing after a lifetime of doing the most for everyone and everything but themselves.
After all, Life is too short for bad wine, fake friends, and horrible stories. Every moment is precious. Why be boring?